37W3D

Ah, hello there again. It's me! Super bored pregnant lady!

I decided it's been long enough since I posted my one belly bump shot that I should post another. (Side note... anyone want to teach me how to get good-looking photos with my camera? As you can see below, I'm super knowledgeable about the basics of a point-and-shoot camera... not.)

I don't feel like there's been huge visual changes*, considering it's been 14 weeks since the last photo from 23.5 weeks. I promise, I took this photo today--that really is a 3-month difference. Also, I am trying desperately to make it look bigger, and I actually succeeded somewhat. The midwife keeps telling me there's a nice, long full-term baby in there weighing somewhere between six and seven pounds (that's my estimate based on gestational age, not based on anything specific to Pterodactyl).

My boredom** is exacerbated by not feeling well. Too hot, too nauseous, too weak, too unable to concentrate, too uncomfortable and too in pain. Even reading is hard. When writing in my journal each night, I'm having some difficulty even remembering anything that happened during the day.

As best I can recall, the last several of my days have consisted of the following:

1. Sleep in. Wake up with a backache and feeling pretty nauseous. Can't think of anything better to do... Roll over, go back to sleep. Eventually...
2. Either my full bladder or my empty stomach can't take it any more. Remedy situation.
3. Check email/Facebook for approximately 15 minutes.
4. Lay down on couch, staring at ceiling, zoning in an out. Have difficulty focusing eyes/ thoughts.
5. Repeat steps 2-4 until, strangely, time passes and husband gets home.
6. Repeat steps 2-4 with James in the house.
7. Take a cold shower. Stare at the shower wall. Have difficulty focusing eyes/ thoughts.
8. Get ready for bed.

Optional steps:

1. Watch Avatar: The Last Airbender with sister.
2. Do elementary school math for fun.
3. Get groceries, often getting sick in the store.
4. Tidy up for five minutes.
5. Write blog post.
6. Read 10 or so pages of "The Lost World", then give up.
7. Throw up.

What else am I supposed to do? Fold and refold and refold all the baby clothes I have? Scrub floorboards with a toothbrush? Read scads of articles about baby care on the Internet? Get over my dislike of scrapbooking and make a baby book?***

There is a little part of me that wonders if I am being a wimp. As I get bigger, I seem to get more uncomfortable, so I guess biggerer means more uncomfortabler, right? And I'm pretty small, right?

There's a woman in my ward who has practically the same due date as I do, but she has the opposite problem when going out in public. Instead of people marveling at how small she is, people marvel at how big she is.****

So I try to tell myself that surely I must be a wimp, because surely the woman in my ward who is carrying much bigger than I am is much more uncomfortable... right? Ah, who knows. Maybe her baby isn't flattening her insides as much.

Anyway. The worst part of all this is that my boredom is compounded with some guilt. As I mentioned in a previous post, the advice I got from the Lord in regards to surviving the last month of pregnancy was that I serve others and that in doing so, my burdens will feel lighter.

I'm a little frustrated, as I feel isolated and stuck in my own apartment. How am I supposed to figure out the needs of others while staring at my ceiling? How am I supposed to actually do service when I can't even go grocery shopping without vomiting or nearly fainting?

Sigh. My goal is to go to a few social events this week.***** Tonight is book club. Tomorrow is the Relief Society evening meeting. I didn't make it to church on Sunday because I was so ill, so I obviously didn't find any service opportunities. Maybe I will at these other social functions.

I don't talk or interact with people much at these things though. It's like I'm a specter (hopefully minus the terror and dread, though). I'm visible and watch and listen, but I could be mistaken for an incorporeal being because I don't interact with the others. Maybe I should try walking through walls. Gently.

I also am wondering if I can somehow be of service over the Internet. This is a novel idea, but I don't quite know how that'd work. My biggest contribution to people's Internet-lives is this blog, and while it seems to entertain people, I wouldn't call it the most helpful wealth of information out there. I guesstimate that about 75 individuals read this at least somewhat regularly. I don't even know for sure who all of them are.

Suggestions?

Love and orange Creamsicles,
Jenna and Pterodactyl

P.S. Yikes, I have lots of endnotes today. Do people actually like the extra details I include in these? I figure if they annoy some people, those people can just stop reading at the end of the main post, right?

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*James tells me he's pretty sure my belly only just grew past my boobs last week. Le sigh. As if not fitting into pre-pregnancy bras anymore wasn't depressing enough.

**When I say I'm bored, I keep getting this rather dismissive response: "Ha. Just wait until you have the baby. THEN you won't be bored!" ... You know what? I potentially have four weeks left to stare at the ceiling all day, every day before I actually have a baby. How is pointing out I'll be busy later supposed to remedy the fact that I'm dying from boredom NOW? /rant

***I plan on making a baby book, but it will be one of those cheap and easy photo books from Wal-Mart or Target or Shutterfly or something. People keep asking me if I want to keep stupid things to put in a baby book. I have no desire to keep old balloons, cake toppers, used-up gift cards, etc. I've been a little surprised at the intensity of people's reactions when I express apathy regarding to the fate of that cute baby-themed gift card. "You HAVE to keep at least one!" ... "But I don't want to keep it." So far, the unwanted items have all ended up forcefully shoved into my hands by older women who are convinced they know better. My protests are met with protests that I will be glad someday that I kept the old, deflated "It's a girl!" balloon, and I will look at it fondly, and I will be horrified that I ever considered throwing it away.

****Why does nobody ever say, "Wow! You look just the right size!" It doesn't feel good when people tell me I'm "too small", and I'd imagine that it also doesn't feel good to hear you're "too big".

*****I am hopeful that I will feel well for these. I have noticed something strange: I am less sick at social functions. If I go to interact with people, I feel sick right up until the time I get there and start feeling sick again when I get home. It makes me wonder if I am being classically conditioned to look forward to social events, as I've typically always dreaded them. (And no, I don't think there's something in our apartment making me sick, as I've been just as sick at work, in grocery stores, and in theatres...)