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Monday, February 17, 2014

Milestone!

So I just had to share the big news... Amelia is doing so much better at night now! Huzzah! For a few nights this week after her bedtime nursing session, she went progressively longer and longer without night nursing (2am, 4am, 6am) and last night she didn't ask to nurse until 8am. Huzzah!

I've been sleeping in the queen bed and James has been sleeping on the twin in the next room. We still like each other just fine, of course, but recently this has been the sleeping arrangement most likely to result in us all getting enough sleep.

Anyway, what usually happens is that I nurse Amelia, hand her over to James, and then they go fall asleep on the twin mattress in Amelia's room. Sometime in the middle of the night, Amelia usually wakes up crying looking for me and desperately wanting to nurse.

Last night, though, she apparently needed to fall asleep with me. So that's what happened. But! Sometime in the night she ambled back over to her room and cuddled up with James without waking either of us. I actually had to search for her in the night when I woke up to pee for the third time (ugh, pregnancy is fun) and she was GONE. WHUT?

Sometime later she woke up again and decided she needed me and came back to sleep in the queen with me. Only she didn't nurse... she just wanted to cozy herself in my armpit. Gross, I think, but whatever floats the kid's dreamboat.

So I'm super excited about last night for several reasons. Mostly I'm excited that she ambled back to her own room on her own. But also, I'm glad she is nursing less at night. It's been disturbing my sleep more severely lately.

Now if only I could tell you that Amelia night nursing less and spending more of the night in the other room with James were actually helping me sleep.

Baby Delta is making nighttime AWFUL. I've been getting up at least four times in the night to pee. And then I can't fall back asleep because I feel sick and/or too hot and/or headachy and/or anxious and/or sore all over. Last night I was all of the above. Fabulous. Yeah, so the last half week has been horrible for me.

I hear that around age 14-18 months, little kids are still extremely needy (must have Mother ALL the time, no exceptions!) but are also hard to keep up with thanks to the whole "must run everywhere", "must climb ALL the things", "must destroy ALL the things", "must flail ALL the limbs when near Mom's face", "must create ALL the messes", etc., etc., etc. Amelia has fit into this stereotypical development stage PERFECTLY.

It has been extremely demanding on me, particularly during the last few weeks while I've been feeling groggy. (I am SO tired ALL the time. I attempt to stay in bed until noon every day and then take a nap later.) Amelia is so difficult to deal with a lot of the time. Now, I do not mean to say that she is a bad kid or an unhappy kid or an angry kid or any of that sort of thing. She is SO happy. I seriously don't think I know of any other kids her age who are so happy, so friendly, so boisterous, or so loving. She is very, very nice.

Everybody at church thinks she is so well-behaved... and by this they mean she doesn't really get angry and throw evil tantrums. She is definitely mischievous and laughs maniacally as she constantly gets into all sorts of trouble. Amelia is simply irrepressible and always adventuring in some way.

She is NOT quiet in church, nor do I think she even remotely has the capacity to sit still, but to my surprise even the people I was sure would say, "Why can't you get your kid to sit down and shut up and act like a tiny adult?! What is wrong with you? You are obviously doing this parenting thing wrong!" ... Well, instead they are saying, "Why, isn't she just the sweetest thing? So well-behaved. Not like some brats I know..." So I don't get it, but I'll take it.

Oh, and the pediatrician told me, "Yes, I know you're tired. But Amelia is the happiest and most well-behaved 18-month old I've seen in months." She told me this while Amelia was driving me bonkers with her energy level. In some ways, I apparently have got it easy right now. For instance, I suppose we don't ever have any battles of wills.

Maybe the secret is this: if the kid is grinning ear-to-ear and isn't mean, it doesn't matter how many grey hairs or bald spots or black eyes or bruises or bags under-the-eyes or quasi-electrocution hairstyles or twitching facial features Mom and Dad have. That is one good kid.

Theoretically, Amelia should be approaching a new stage: emerging independence. Oh my, this sounds like exactly what I've been dreaming about and my current energy levels warrant.

We are actually beginning to see this happen, I think. Sometimes she plays by herself for all of fifteen minutes. Egads! Sometimes in the night she actually rolls over and takes up the OTHER half of the bed instead of sleeping on top of me! Sometimes (semi-regularly) she lets us completely abandon her while she sleeps! (This is good. Given the frequency that I'm waking up in the night to pee, I shudder to think what would happen if she bolted upright each time I got out of bed in the night... Ooh, ooh! Last night, even, she did wake up when I got out of bed. She looked up to see what I was doing... and then laid back down and went back to sleep. Of course, this did happen after a few instances of her following me to the bathroom to see what I was doing in the night, but still. Success!) Oh, and of course, the transition to nursery could not be going more easily.

And, of course, the biggest evidence that she is getting more independent... more SURPRISES. I found her giant blue ball inside the dryer today. James found that she had ripped off all the pull tabs on our soy milk food storage. (Ugh.) Art on the walls. Sticker wall art ripped off the wall and shredded into pieces and spread throughout the house. Cheerios in the heater vents and inside the computer case (... ... ... I do not like the implications of that one). Baby covered in pen and/or marker. Toilet paper EVERYWHERE. All our apples pulled off the table, each of which have one or two mysterious bite marks in them (Bunnicula?). Pieces of tissue shoved up into the innards of our printer. Giant puddles of water dangerously close to things that should never under any circumstances have puddles of water nearby (i.e. computers).

Love and surprises,
Jenna, Amelia, and Baby Delta

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Feeling Slightly More Sane

I've been a bit more sick this week, but I still think this counts as normal pregnancy nausea. I have yet to actually vomit, which is also nice. Somehow though, I am still losing weight. Doom. And here I thought for sure I was eating so well. Maybe I'm just eating well compared to how I was eating last pregnancy, but still not actually eating much. That might be it.

Maybe? I don't know. Sometimes I think I never actually redeveloped a healthy relationship with food after the last pregnancy. I usually don't have a problem eating food dumped in front of my face, but... man, if I have to prepare food (even minimally), a little piece of my mind groans and decides food isn't worth it. A little bit of me has remained convinced that food is gross. I don't really enjoy eating that much any more. And so now that I'm nauseous so often again, I'm struggling a bit with the whole eating thing.

Ironically, Amelia is saving me. She is not shy about demanding food. And if I'm forced to find something for the tot to eat, I might as well eat a little too.

Yes, I'm still having those crazy thoughts about having twins. I think my psychiatrist is a little concerned about my mental health at the moment. She was like, "I would feel better if you had some Xanax for when you have these panic attacks." And I was like, "Oh. Really?" I'm not sure I'd use the stuff, but the twin thoughts are pretty invasive, even if I think they are getting less so.

I think what I had to do to get myself to calm down was pretend for a day or so that I really am pregnant with twins for real, and then allow myself to sit down and analyze all the stuff we'd have to do differently than we were planning to had we been pregnant with a singleton, particularly financially.

I suppose I wasn't letting myself sit down and think the issue through because I was caught up in the whole "I have no good reason to think I'm pregnant with twins in the first place" issue. But that was bad because I deal with stress by thinking things through. So I was essentially trying to tell myself to solve the problem by ignoring it. Oops.

Anyway, the things I came up with that we'd need were: three new car seats, a stroller that can fit in the trunk and fit two or three kids in it, and a twin nursing pillow. And maybe a kid leash to prevent Amelia from running out into the street while I'm trying finagle three babies in a row into car seats. That's really all I'd need. Besides more baby clothing, which is relatively easy to come by. Oh, and maybe another twin mattress to put on the floor by our bed.

If we were actually financially well off, it would probably be smarter to just upgrade to a minivan rocketship, but that doesn't really make sense for us right now. We don't have a car payment on our beloved Fred right now, and he's never broken down and is quite reliable. It makes more sense to dish out the moneys for car seats that are designed to fit three-in-a-row in the back of the car than it does to dish out all the expenses associated with a new vehicle. A minivan is quite tempting though... sigh. That's for kid four, I guess.

...

You know, now that I think about it, I vaguely remember telling Heavenly Father if he ever decided that He absolutely HAD to send us twins, he'd better do it with either the second pregnancy while we have room for twins in our car, or with the fourth or fifth before a minivan fills up, or... you get the idea. It's one thing to go into a pregnancy knowing you'll need a new vehicle before the baby arrives. It's another to have that little surprise while pregnant.

Hmm.

That thought didn't help. WHAT IF MY PRAYER IS BEING ANSWERED!? OH NOOOO.

You see, I am quite good at freaking myself out.

Anyway, once I actually spent a few days and went "shopping" and selected car seats, a stroller, and a pillow, I suddenly felt better. And just with the way our insurance works, even if the twins ended up in the NICU for weeks (sad!), it would only actually cost us another $1000 more than a singleton birth. I was all like, I CAN DO DIS TING WIT'OUT FINANCIAL RUIN! YUSSS! Only I don't know if I'm doing dis ting in the first place. But if I am, I CAN DO EET. I think. As for the actual managing two beebees at once, I was just planning on winging it anyway.

I have resolved to ask for an ultrasound on my first prenatal visit to reveal the number of babies. One or two... it'd be nice to be certain about SOMETHING finally.

Tomorrow I hit 7 weeks, and my first appointment isn't until nearly 11 weeks. I seem to recall that the midwives have an ancient ultrasound machine in their office, so they might look during the first appointment, but I suppose it is just as likely they'll tell me to schedule an appointment with the actual sonographers a bit later than that. So we have a while. I can make it, methinks.

Methinks. Every once in a while I'm tempted to call their office in a "panic" about something I know is completely normal... just so MAYBE they'll look inside to see what's going on. An even crazier part of me wants to make up stuff like "oh no, I is bleeding and cramping is ouch, please halp is beebee OKAY please halp i is scared" just to be certain they'll look. Sigh. Sometimes my better judgment makes my life so boring. And man, ignorance could be convenient, too. I'm already noticing round ligament pain (apparently not too unusual in second or later pregnancies). If I didn't know what it was and that it was completely harmless, I could totally call in a panic and get an ultrasound. Le doom.

I seriously sometimes scratch my head perplexedly at how utterly clinically unremarkable this pregnancy actually is. I cannot thing of a SINGLE good reason besides my mental state to demand an ultrasound at the moment. I want one.

Also, I begin to wonder if God is exercising His sense of humor at me. He is being so vague. And every time I notice a new pregnancy symptom, I'm like, "OH NO! NOT YET! IS TOO EARLY! I IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS! THE DOOM!" And I think He knows it. So it keeps happening. He must be rolling in the clouds laughing like a maniac, wiping tears from His eyes. And, just to keep things on the iffy side, he makes sure that it's not too rare for a mom with a singleton to have the same experience.

WHY I MUST TO KNOW THE TRUTH NOW HALP,
Jenna
plus the contents of her womb
whatever that means
confused
is i sane?
wut

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Feeling Crazy!

You'll be glad to hear that so far, the pregnancy nausea has continued to be quite mild. I keep a stash of Junior Mints and ginger ale and they seem to work just fine. The thing is, though, I still dislike it when people give me advice on how to manage pregnancy nausea. Like, "Oh! Have you tried soda crackers?" And, "Just make sure you have some food right next to your bed you can eat before you get up. You'll be fine!"

Pretty much throughout my pregnancy with Amelia, giving me advice on how to combat nausea was a surefire way to get me grumpy. I saw an e-card meme-type thing on a friend's blog lately that described precisely what I was feeling and thinking every time someone suggested a well-known cure: "Why no, I haven't tried crackers, ginger, small meals, or sipping water. I enjoy morning sickness so much, I thought I would just embrace the whole experience."

The issue with me and nausea so far seems to be mostly the ubernose of pregnancy. Yes, I feel somewhat queasy in the morning since I haven't eaten all night, but that's no biggie. It's the nose. Oh, the cursed nose.

The number one culprit: Amelia.

Pee diapers. Poo diapers. Vomit breath. Sour milk breath. Whatever-she's-been-eating breath. Whatever's all over her hands. A food item she scaled a 10-foot cliff in order to grab and has now thrown in my face for me to open (i.e. banana)... that also happens to smell awful to me. In short, Amelia.

The number two culprit: Any and all food that requires heating.

Quesadillas. Eggs. Chicken nuggets. Even pizza. Popcorn. Anything that James wants to eat. Anything that Amelia wants for lunch.

In the meantime, I am eating ALL the hummus.

Other pregnancy ailments I'm not so happy about... indigestion! Seriously? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... And horrible, horrible, horrible headaches. The worst thing is that Tylenol does nothing, and caffeine helps a little bit. Unfortunately, the caffeine also makes the indigestion and heartburn worse. Is there no "just right" sweet spot? Augh.

I'm still feeling super silly. Actually, no, I think it's gone past feeling merely silly and into feeling just downright crazy. I still can't get the twins thought out of my head. I'm tempted to call the midwives and beg for an early ultrasound because it's bothering me so much. I'm almost at 6 weeks, so the baby/babies should just barely be visible now.

Mentally, the idea that I'm just absolutely nuts is bothering me WAY more than the idea that it IS twins. I don't like being crazy. Like, at all. I think I'm more tempted to get the ultrasound to see if I'm crazy or not rather than to find out how many babies there are.

I made the stupid mistake of turning to Google to convince myself that in all likelihood, it isn't twins.

Boy, was THAT a mistake.

Lo, and behold, I run across a study that found that the twin rate amongst women who conceive while breastfeeding is 11.4% versus 1.1% in the general population. I couldn't actually look at anything besides the abstract on PubMed, but it makes sense to me given what I know about fertility, so I am inclined to trust that, to some degree at least, breastfeeding does in fact increase the chances of twins.

Also Google informs me that feeling like you are pregnant with twins is actually somewhat predictive of actually being pregnant with twins.

So.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Moral of the story: Don't Google it.

Love and respect to our Google overlords,
Jenna and Baby Delta

... and possibly Baby Epsilon. Possibly.

Augh.

I'm crazy.