Although there have been drastic improvements, it disappoints me that our society continues to not be completely nursing-friendly. It claims to be nursing-friendly, but it isn't really. Under the facade, you see that unless you breastfeed in private and only until your baby is about one year old, it's considered taboo.
Before I get into this post, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that this is most definitely not meant as a criticism of any individual parent. There's one thing I know for sure: I will never, ever know someone else's circumstances entirely. Furthermore, I believe that almost all parents do the best they can to raise their children.
So, while not addressing any individuals, I'd like to comment on society at large while also dispelling some breastfeeding myths. Got that? I'm writing about society, not you or your dog or your grandmother. I'm not even talking about your secret casserole recipe. Er... ahem.
I am, I suppose, unusually casual when it comes to nursing. I do it everywhere without any qualms, although when there's a special place set aside to nurse, I will go there under consideration of others. But really, I can only think of one place that has a special room for nursing ladies: church. Everywhere else though? If baby is hungry, I'll find a place to sit and feed her right then and there.
I'm grateful that I'm legally allowed to feed Amelia anywhere I please, but I suppose there will always be people who think I should only do it in private. To these, I say, What would you have me do when I'm out and about? Nurse in a public bathroom stall? Heck no. That just can't be sanitary.
Still others expect me to be abashed about it. What for? At a picnic back when I was learning how to nurse, one of my friends would cover me up with a blanket in a sweet effort to be kind.1 I didn't say anything to her because she was being thoughtful, but since then I've thought about it more... I think she thought I would be mortified if anyone saw me nursing.
That little experience said to me that publicly nursing is still (deep down) considered unusual and still makes people uncomfortable, whether it be the nursing mother herself or everyone else. It is my firm opinion that you should be able to feed your baby in public without embarrassment, whether it be via breast or bottle.
I decided a while back to do my best to help others become comfortable with nursing. For me, the easiest and most effective way to make others comfortable when I nurse in their vicinity is to do so like it's no big whoop. And once they realize that I feel it's no big whoop, then it truly becomes no big whoop. And it really isn't a big whoop. Got that?
I learned something else about society at that picnic... It's apparently not okay to nurse toddlers in America. And God forbid that you should even consider nursing an older child! There was a brief discussion about when and why some people weaned, wherein I learned that there was an abundance of misinformation out there.
One woman explained that she got pregnant, so she weaned.2 Another woman got antsy when she realized her baby was growing teeth, so she weaned.3 Another woman added that her son actually bit off one of her nipples, so she understandably stopped nursing cold turkey.4
This next reason grieves me. A woman weaned her son because it disturbed her how much he loved her boobs... she interpreted it as a sexual interest in breasts that needed immediate correcting. How sad for the baby! To have nursing taken away as punishment for expressing how happy and safe he felt nursing in his mother's arms!5
Another common reason for weaning was simply that mom had much difficulty with it and the help she needed was not available. She might have even gotten misinformation. And then, to make things worse, said mothers were criticized for not breastfeeding as if it was all their fault. There's something wrong with that.
And then there were the many who stopped because their children were "too old to nurse". Ugh. That would only be an issue in a Western society coming out of the Formula-Fed Era. I really wish it wasn't like that. There's no good biological reason to think all toddlers are "too old" to nurse.
Here's the thing. I never thought I'd feel so strongly about nursing, but I do. It's Amelia's favorite thing. It is precious to me, and I wish there wasn't the pressure to stop it ASAP. It sometimes feels like everyone expects you to start the weaning process on or soon after baby's first birthday... And weaning sounds like it can be so stressful, too!
Well, I've decided. Amelia will be the one to wean herself, unless something else requires us to wean earlier. Call me a hippie mom, but that's how it will be. I'm able to nurse as long as the two of us'd like, so why shouldn't I?6
So I will be nursing for a while. Here's the part where I get a little uncertain of myself. It is so taboo to nurse toddlers and older children, that if I continue doing so in public, I am certain to attract some negative attention. Thankfully, I've got plenty of time to decide, but eventually I'll have to decide whether I'm going to closet nurse... or continue nursing in public, obstinately insisting that it's completely normal whenever eyebrows are raised. Sigh. And the worst part is, "Be the change you want to see" keeps ringing in my head. Even when I read my patriarchal blessing, this comes to mind when I read about how I'm supposed to be a powerful example. No pressure, Self, no pressure...
So yeah. There is a distinct possibility that I will someday be known as that eccentric woman who nurses her toddlers/kids, even in public. Oh well. I shall take comfort in the fact that maybe one or two others might build up the courage to do the same.
Love and milk lasers,
Jenna and Amelia
1 I hate, hate, hate, hate nursing covers. Amelia hates them. I don't use them because they're not worth the hassle unless you truly are mortified if somebody sees what you're doing. (Do whatever you have to do to feel comfortable, ladies!) Plus, I don't think they help you nurse unobserved. If anything, I feel they draw attention. Sure, they may hide boob flesh better, but let's face it... the baby's body does a pretty good job of that too.↩
2 It is a myth that pregnancy causes breastmilk to "dry up". Here's what does happen... Remember when your breasts ached during pregnancy? That happens again, so nursing can become more uncomfortable. Also, pregnancy hormones may cause your milk supply to decrease somewhat, but at this point, your little one is probably getting most of his or her nutrients from solid food anyway. So, if mom and baby are amenable, you can nurse throughout pregnancy. If you want to. And, once your next baby is born, you can nurse both kids. It's called tandem nursing.↩
3 Teeth shouldn't interfere with nursing, nor should they make nursing uncomfortable. As La Leche League explains, "It is important to understand that when a baby is latched on to the breast correctly, his lips are flanged and his gums land far back on the areola (the dark area around the nipple). His bottom teeth are covered by his tongue and do not come in contact with the mother's areola at all. For this reason, a baby who is latched on correctly and actively nursing cannot bite. However, if a baby is latched onto the nipple only, the baby can clamp down and cause pain to the mother's nipple. Good positioning and latch-on techniques can prevent painful bites."↩
4 I have been told that this is remarkably uncommon. Despite that, I have sometimes wondered what I would do in such an event. I guess I would go to urgent care or the E.R. and awkwardly explain that I need my nipple reattached. Awkwaaaaard... As for the kid's fate... a scolding. And then I would keep Band-Aids over my nipples and explain, "You broke Mom's boobs! They don't work any more!" Speaking of biting, did you know how the Milky Way, our galaxy, got its name? Juno, the ancient Roman goddess, was nursing Hercules... and then he bit her. Of course, she took him off the breast, squirting milk all over the sky in the process. Ha, it's the story of my life, minus the biting! Jets of milk going all over the place like a wild fire hose!↩
5 Both mother and baby get a hefty dose of oxytocin, the happy hormone, while nursing. It helps with milk letdown... and it also makes you thirsty.↩
6 It seems that, left to her own devices, a child will wean herself when she's ready. Researchers' best estimate for a normal weaning age is 2.5 to 7. See here.↩
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