It's quite possible that Amelia is teething, but there's a big part of me that remains skeptical because long ago everyone and their dog posited that possibility as an explanation for her fussy behavior. I suppose I won't be completely convinced until she cuts her first tooth.
Nevertheless, the past few days have been even more challenging than normal. She's even more irritable than usual and definitely less playful. She's usually in a great mood first thing in the morning, but lately she's having a hard time having fun.
The child is constantly attempting to cram her entire fist in her face and is furious that this doesn't seem to be working too well. She's also nursing even more than usual. Teething rings and toys aren't too popular, though. Neither are cold rags. Perhaps I should be alarmed by the lifetime preference for human flesh.
Drool always adorns her face and she keeps trying to bite my fingers and knees. I give her gum massages and they help... though not for long. (My secret to smooth, soft, beautiful skin is baby drool. Call me if you want some for your own beauty regime.)
I eventually just didn't know what else to do, so I brought out the Tylenol. I kid you not, this has made all the difference in the world. The post-Tylenol Amelia is sunny and playful... or dead asleep. I'm a little confused about the sleeping, though. Fatigue to this degree isn't really a common side effect. My best guess is that the teething pain has made it difficult (or perhaps impossible) for Amelia to sleep deeply, so once she's not screaming or writhing in what looks like excruciating pain, she immediately packs her bags and takes a train to dreamland.
In other news, I had a little episode of mommy burnout. I'd recently determined not to complain to just anybody about such things, but in moments of weakness I break down and ask for advice. This often ends up only discouraging me further, since people offer advice that worked for them... and, well, I don't think very many of my friends have children with temperaments like Amelia's. Perhaps they think I exaggerate and they think that, in reality, Amelia is more like their own babies than I'd care to admit.
No, I don't think Amelia is like all those other babies. But can I blame people for thinking that she probably is? No. No, I cannot.
I made the same mistake at first: that is, I assumed everyone else's baby was just like Amelia. I have slowly come to realize that this is simply not so.
It took dozens of times hearing the exclamation "I can't believe you want to nurse again, baby! It's only been three hours!" tumble from the lips of other mothers for me to realize that seriously, their babies are usually perfectly satisfied nursing only every few hours. What a novel idea.
And I started hearing other moms pining after the sacred nap time, a time when baby sleeps (and stays asleep) alone and mom can have some time to herself. And maybe cook or clean something. How perplexing. Maybe I'm just not putting baby down as gently as they put their babies down or something. Nope.
And then I hear mothers praising the almighty swing. I joined in too, saying that every once in a while, it tricked Amelia into thinking she was still in my arms long enough for me to eat breakfast. And then I realized that many babies stay asleep for HOURS in a swing. And I ran across several warnings not to leave your baby in a swing for more than x number of hours... when they're awake. James and I were surprised and wondered aloud, "What?! There are babies that let you leave them--awake--in a swing--for hours?" I'm not sure I'd believe it even if I saw it.
It took me months to realize, deep down, that everyone else's baby is not like mine. And then, during mommy burnout, I forgot. When I got a ton of recommendations to hire a babysitter and go do something without Amelia... I began to doubt myself. Perhaps everyone and their dog is right. Perhaps I do need to do what everyone else does and leave Amelia with someone else for a while. But it didn't feel right.
So I did what I always do when I feel like something isn't right: I prayed for clarification. I prayed a lot. I even got a priesthood blessing for strength and comfort. Well, of course that helped tremendously. I have no idea what happens to other people's babies when they're left behind, but I know Amelia, and I need to stay with her. And you know what else? Yes, I needed to recharge, but I found out that there are ways to recharge while keeping the baby with me.
I feel a lot better now. I recharged... by going out. With the baby, but I went out. I went shopping. I hung out with other moms and their babies, and we had some nice adult conversations without a hint of sing-song voices or nonsense. I spent time with friends. And I feel 100%... and I never had to leave Amelia during one of the more difficult parts of her life so far. Whaddaya know? The Man Upstairs knows what He's talking about. Even better: I'd been feeling so alone, like I'm the only mom with a high-need baby among all my acquaintances... I discovered that one of my friends also has a high-need baby. Yay (for me)!
And besides... I honestly believe there isn't a babysitter on the planet who could handle Amelia. And honestly, time without the baby isn't all that relaxing.for me. Most importantly, it's awful for Amelia. Someday she'll be ready to let me leave her alone for a while. Not yet, though.
The other big thing I needed to do to feel better? Stop comparing myself to others.
Anyway, Amelia is sad that I'm not nursing.
Love and lactose,
Jenna and Amelia
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