14W2D

I was really hoping that by now I'd be able to tell you I've reached that part of pregnancy where the second trimester is absolutely heavenly. Yes, I've reached the second trimester, but so far, it still sucks.

On Saturday, we went to the adult session of stake conference. Elder Holland was there. If he wasn't there, I would have refused to attend as I had been stuck in bed puking all day.

James and I got there forty minutes early, but still, we ended up in the cultural hall with me sandwiched in between James and a heftier woman. This wouldn't have been so bad, except that the chairs had been squished closely together under the assumptions that their occupants during conference would all be stick thin, or would at least pretend to be stick thin just to see Elder Holland.

I felt awful. About twenty minutes before the meeting, I hopped up and over a long line of realistically-sized women (again, not stick thin), and made my way to the fresh air. And then I darted for the kitchen to rummage through the cupboards for a portable vomit receptacle.

Ooh! A-- no, that won't work. That is clearly see-through. Yuck. That's too small. Too heavy. Too bulky. Aha! A plastic green pitcher! With a bonus lid! Perfect. I somehow made it back to my seat, receiving an abundance of quizzical looks from other stake members. I suppose they were super curious about why this strange disheveled-looking woman was carrying a punch pitcher to her seat. One woman joked, "Oooh! Do you have something to share with me?" ... I avoided looking her in the eye and replied, "Nope." (Later, after learning the fate of the poor pitcher, this woman leaned over and asked us if we were going to have a baby. Very astute observation, Sister Anonymous, very astute.)

Perhaps fifteen minutes later, I began to feel an oncoming volcanic eruption. I tripped and stumbled desperately over the long line of sisters again, and once out of the crowd, I immediately expelled all that I had eaten earlier, and more. Yuck. I ran to the bathroom with sloshing pitcher, throwing up more the whole time. I eventually stopped puking, and was able to return to my seat with the (now clean) pitcher.

I was... okay through most of the meeting. And then the blasted chorister had us stand for the congregational hymn. Standing was apparently not a good idea. To prevent fainting, I sat back down and put my head in between my knees. Which, to my embarrassment, prompted a ward member behind me to send up her water bottle. Well, I was feeling super dehydrated. I accepted the bottle and occasionally took small sips throughout Elder Merrill's talk, and then through the beginning of Elder Holland's talk.

And then disaster struck!

Imagine it. A silent building, except for the powerful voice of Elder Holland, and the occasional sniffle. And then suddenly, somebody vomits (SPLASH!) into something. The Spirit probably stayed out of sympathy, but I'm pretty sure the mood was a little disrupted. James tells me it wasn't that loud, but I'm pretty sure I heard an "ew" somewhere close by as I blindly stumbled over the long line of women (again) with my face in the pitcher. In any case, I still imagine Elder Holland wondering what that lady was doing running out with her face in a brightly colored pitcher...

I somehow managed it to the bathroom again, passing on the way what I assume was one of Elder Holland's bodyguards. I don't think he thought I was an assassin. In the bathroom, I barged into a stall and occupied it for a while. There was a woman in the stall next to me, but I think she was a little freaked out by the violence happening to the toilet next door and was probably pretending she didn't exist.

Anyway, I did crawl back into the cultural hall for the end of Elder Holland's talk, but I wisely sat on the floor by the door. It was an excellent talk, despite the fact that I only heard it in fragments. And while it was awesome, and it made me think about things I've never thought about before, I'm not sure I should have gone. Apparently, at that point, I was officially vomiting TOO much, and SHOULD have been in a hospital somewhere hooked up to IV fluids so I don't die of dehydration.

It passed (at least at that severity) by the next day, so I didn't actually die of dehydration. But just so you know, if you're ever throwing up so much that you can't drink water without vomiting, you feel faint, hypoglycemic, and malnourished, and you don't have enough body fluid to pee, that's really bad. Lest you worry TOO much, I already promised my medical team to call them for immediate attention if it gets that bad again. And it hasn't! Woot! You should worry about me at least a little, though, because I'm crafty and want the benefits of your prayers. Bahaha!

In related news, the baby is doing well. It is super wiggly and has a nice, healthy heartbeat at 164 bpm. And in general, nausea and vomiting in pregnancy means the placenta is working well. And I'm pretty sure the adorable beast is stealing all the nutrients I am swallowing and keeping down. The kid is okay, so I guess being sick is (probably) worth it.

I continue to have the sense it's a girl. Again, I have no empirical evidence for this, but if it's a boy, then I will be super surprised.

I'm still not showing, which is fine. I'm exactly the same weight I was pre-pregnancy. This is good in one respect--it means I didn't lose any weight despite vomiting so much, so considering everything, I am faring fairly well. This is bad in a different respect. See, I really, really like the type of clothes that suddenly appear on sale in the springtime. So I want to get stocked up for clothing the bump now, but I have no idea what shape I am when I'm super pregnant. Oh well. I'm guessing, and going for stretchy things which will probably fit no matter what shape I end up being.

Ta-ta for now,
Jenna and Baby Alpha