15W6D

Yesterday I went in for IV hydration again. This time I got five liters, and probably should have had more.

As a preface, Thursday I was feeling pretty darned miserable. I don't actually remember too much of it. I'm not convinced Thursday actually occurred. Everything is blurred together. I think I was never actually unconscious. The rest was some sort of mix between dream and reality, which seemed to be exactly the same. I could tell some of it wasn't real, but I didn't know which parts.

I had a headache. I felt like my head was shrinking. I was also a little freaked out due to some interesting visual changes. It was as if the world was tilting and shrinking and expanding. Everything looked staticky. Plus, I kept thinking there was a lightning flash somewhere in my periphery. I slowly started to wonder if that really made sense. I decided that it didn't and figured sleeping would help.

Except I couldn't actually sleep. My legs kept spasming and twitching. I couldn't keep them still. And when I tried to keep them still in the hopes that I could finally sleep a little, I would just hurt and then I'd have to move them to make the hurt stop.

I didn't think James was home, despite what I thought were dreams to indicate otherwise. I was pretty sure my phone was close to me but I couldn't find it. I would sit up for fifteen seconds flailing my arms around hoping to accidentally touch it. But then I'd run out of energy and would have to lay back down. I felt like I was made out of lead and I just didn't have the strength to keep holding up a lead weight.

James eventually did call me. I think he was at the store. I was able to follow the sound and find my phone. But when I answered, I had a hard time understanding what James wanted even though I could hear his words clearly. And I tried to talk back, but I'm pretty sure my words were severely slurred.

I vaguely remember that James came home and gave me a blessing and I was finally able to sleep. He says I was tossing and turning and moaning. And a little delirious.

In the morning, I felt quite out of it and refused to go to work. James insisted that I at least go as a patient rather than an employee so they could hook me up to fluids. I was soooo tired. Getting up and walking to the car seemed like an incredible feat. I told him I'd go later and I really just wanted to sleep.

He insisted that I go (apparently the blessing he gave me had made it clear that it was VERY important that I do so). He made phone call after phone call. I think Dr. Austin (I work with him) told him to call my OB practitioners... however, they were closed on Friday. James got hold of the on-call person, who basically told him that they don't make appointments for Friday and wouldn't be able to see me.

James took me to Dr. Austin. I felt a little embarrassed because I knew today was a very busy day. They had to borrow a room and an IV pole from the other side of the building to accommodate me. My vital signs were bad. My resting heart rate was 100 bpm and my blood pressure was very low. I didn't have any ketones in my urine (that means I was somehow getting enough glucose and wasn't starved in addition to dehydrated), but it was starting to crystallize (that's pretty concentrated).

Anyway, after getting 5 L of fluids, I finally started to feel like myself again. Dr. Austin was pretty upset that my practitioners hadn't let me come in for an IV. He originally wanted James to take me to them so that they were aware how sick I was. That would be the smart thing, because they see more hyperemesis gravidarum patients than he does, and theoretically knew what treatments would be helpful. (He's a fertility doctor, not an obstetrician...)

I told him that as far as I could tell from talking to them over the last week, their biggest hangup was that I hadn't lost weight. And clearly, since I hadn't lost weight, I wasn't that sick. That made Dr. Austin upset--after all, he had just given me nearly 10 lbs of fluids orally and intravenously. And I needed more, because I was retaining almost all of it and was urinating only a little bit of concentrated, opaque urine.

So yeah. I was apparently not doing very well. I think I'm just going to have an IV on a regular basis, even when I think I feel fine. My mistake was that I thought I was feeling great, so I thought I didn't need more fluids. Yeah, I was throwing up buckets of watery vomit, but I didn't feel that sick, so I figured I was okay. Apparently not. That just got me feeling complacent and was dangerous. It's a little humbling to think that had I been living even a hundred years ago, this might have killed me.

I keep wondering how in the world I'm supposed to make it through a second pregnancy with a growing toddler. And I don't think I'm willing to try having twelve children, as is James' fantasy. I'm honestly tempted to say, "Dang it, I am not doing this pregnancy thing again. We're either adopting or using a gestational surrogate to carry the baby for me." Both options, however, are quite expensive. Le sigh.

I always told him I was willing to have as many children as I could physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially handle, but I never imagined that pregnancy nausea and vomiting would be bad enough (potentially deadly) to dissuade me from future pregnancies. I think I'll do this pregnancy thing one more time. James is okay with not having millions of babies, I think, but it still is a little disappointing.

Anyway, please keep me in your prayers as always,
Jenna and Baby Alpha