19W6D

I've been hesitant to write this week, because I'm been upset. I wrote a much longer post with lots of gut spillage. It is in my drafts, and I am not sure I'll publish it. It's largely about what it's like to have hyperemesis and how it sucks when people think they understand, when really they don't. And because I struggled a lot with depression and how it sucks when people understand that, when really they don't, I wrote about that, too.

Here's the rest of it, without the gut spillage.

I think I was a little premature in saying the nausea was no big deal. After running out of Zofran and having to wait a week or so until I can get more, it's biting a lot harder again. I do still go to work, but I've had to run out of patient appointments to throw up. A funny coincidence is that every time it's happened, someone is occupying the bathroom. So, just when I can't hold it any more, I'll run to the nearest trash can and throw up in front of everyone. On Tuesday, I  got most of it into the trash can, but I also sprayed the wall in one of the exam rooms with my gastric juices. By yesterday, I've at least learned to aim a little better.

Frankly, I'm an emotional wreck right now. In the words of my boss, I've got post-traumatic puke disorder. I think I've lost more water crying this week than I have vomiting, largely because throwing up produces a violent emotional response. I'm just glad I'm not hyperemetic again.

Onto a brighter note, I've feeling the baby move lots. It was kind of like a switch--I couldn't feel it because my heartbeat was beating harder than the kid was kicking, and then one day the kid was stronger, I guess.