Now, for the loooong version, complete with lots of fascinating footnotes. You should probably go get some popcorn. Or whatever your traditional snack is.
James and I met1 in a dance class at BYU. For those of you who are familiar with the dance department there, it was Dance 380: Advanced Social Dance taught by Marci every Monday afternoon. That means we were learning fancy moves in foxtrot, rumba, West Coast swing, triple swing, and a few others. The class was set up so that we'd switch partners every five to ten minutes or so, which meant we got to dance with each other once or twice every class period.
I could never remember James' name for the life of every hamster on earth. That's okay, though, because James couldn't remember my name either. For some reason, though, the name Laura (his mother's name) kept coming to mind. The thing was, though, he knew my name wasn't Laura, so whenever it was our turn to dance together, he'd greet me like so: "Hi, not-Laura!"
The final exam would be on triple swing--the most animated, bouncy dance ever. I don't spontaneously bounce... like at all. In fact, I find it rather laborious to bounce as much as the triple swing requires.
Naturally, I wanted to do well on my final exam. I figured the best way to do that was to find a high-energy, bouncy, fun dance partner. I showed up to the final exam and scanned the room for somebody that fit that description. My eyes landed on James. He was rambunctiously and flamboyantly telling a story to a small group of our classmates. Ah, yes. He will most definitely do.
James accepted my request to dance with him, and we spent the time before our test practicing until we were tired of that. Then we sat down on the stage and started your typical get-to-know-you conversation. James decided my major (neuroscience) was nerdy enough so he asked me on a date for the following Saturday.
I accepted2. James borrowed his roommate's car3 and we went rock climbing. I was super nervous about this, as I'd never done it before and I'm scared of heights. Furthermore, I have never been in amazing shape and am generally nervous about physical activity in general. But to my pleasure, James was a fantastic, patient, and very reassuring teacher; so, although I had anticipated feeling humiliated after climbing, I only felt tired.
After climbing, we went to Jamba Juice for tasty noms and talked for quite a while. It got to be time to go, but I was having a good time and didn't want it to end, so I invited him to my place to watch Back to the Future. We did that, and then James really, really had to go because he was already late for work (he worked the night shift at a hotel).
On his way out the door, James said something along the lines of "Call me", to which I said I would. And, strangely, I found myself actually wanting to do something with him again... enough so that I was actually willing to call him. How unusual.
Before I got the chance to come up with an activity to do with him, James called me and invited me to play four square at his place. Lucky for him, four square is one of the few games I actually enjoy, so I drove myself over there and had a great time. Eventually, the four square game stopped and everyone went to FHE at a park. I decided to accompany James there.
We talked some more and ate lots of cookies while most of the other singles played soccer. I expressed my great love for tasty food. James, smooth as ever, jumped at the opportunity and offered to make me biscuits and gravy that coming Sunday. I was okay with that. After FHE, we went back to his apartment and talked until midnight. I made myself attractive in many ways, including my familiarity with the ultra-nerdy webcomic xkcd. I discovered that James had already Facebook stalked me; apparently all my photos told him that I was pretty cool. Like this one. (It was for a homework assignment, I promise!)
Six days ended up being too long to wait for another date; James called me and asked me out again for Saturday. While the original plan had been to fly kites, it turned out to be cold and rainy... so we went bowling (after trying to fly kites, because kites are fun).
After bowling, we headed to my place to watch Star Wars IV. I put in the DVD and pressed play, then sat on the couch... a few feet away from James. A few minutes later, I realized how awkward that was, but... it's not so subtle if you just get up and plop yourself down closer to the guy. What to do, what to do?
My phone rang. I got up to get it, talked for thirty seconds or so, hung up... and replaced myself on the couch, squarely in James' arms. He did not complain. We cuddled. James wrote in his journal that day,
"Oh frabjous day! Caloo! Calay! :D :D :) :) :)"The following morning I had a conversation with Robby4 about our dating lives. Robby was glad to hear that James and I were getting along. He asked if we were going to start dating. I pondered for a moment, then said, no, I can't do that because James will be moving to Oregon shortly5, and I have a whole year left before I graduate. I intensely disliked long-distance relationships. Fortunately for me, Robby had some good sense and told me that was a stupid reason not to date James. I admitted that Robby was right... and therefore resolved to begin dating James exclusively.
Later that day, James came over to make biscuits and gravy. It was super tasty. Then we watched Star Wars V. Nerds in the audience will be glad to hear that our first kiss was during the credits. A nerdworthy kiss, indeed. James wrote of this day,
"I really like her. Motivated, smart, pretty, nerdy, a great cuddler. It's probably way too early to be thinking about this, but I could see myself marrying her. We'll see how things work out."Next day. We went to FHE together. There was a teeny, tiny rocking horse there. I saw it, ran over with glee, and began riding it, with my knees bent up past my ears. ... All the people there looked at me like I was a crazy person. James LOVED it though, and this endeared me to him even more. Later he wrote in his journal,
"We talked about [...] how I like her more than she likes me, which understandably alarmed me. Though she went on to say that a lot of that was that she just goes slower than I do. [...] Worries me, because I am thoroughly twitterpated. I haven't noticed a single thing yet that makes me wish it were different. I hope I'm good enough for her. Hmm... I've never said that before... She is way up there, apparently, in my opinion. She's so cool. If she dropped me, I would be heartbroken already. I don't think it's just hormones either!"Now, most of the rest of the story is best told by James' journal. He becomes increasingly infatuated, as you can see from this entry from the next day.
"I've started pretty much constantly praying to be good enough for Jenna. With how fast I've gone, and how I know I like her more, it makes me really nervous. I really like her. [...] I mentioned the thing about how I haven't found anything bad yet. Didn't freak her out. She mentioned a few things that made me feel better. Like how her bosses noticed how much she was smiling. Oh, I really like this girl."Next day.
"I woke up this morning at 8 by a text message from Jenna, saying 'Good morning, wonderful!' Too early, but still a wonderful way to get woken up. Especially after being worried last night. [... He walks me home that day...] During the short walk home there was a brief lull in conversation and after it made me freak out. Gall, I'm so easily worried in a relationship. I just need to calm down. She really likes me, I really like her, and it'll all work out. But I just wish I weren't so needy! Oh well. At 10pm I got woken up to a text saying, "Gooooooood niiiiiiiiight!" What a wonderful girl."Next day.
"Again got up to the text. What a girl. [...] She said she might not go to work today because she wasn't feeling well, so during lunch I started out to visit her... But then found out she had gone to work, so I napped instead. [...] I bought two ice cream bars and went off to find Jenna's work. I found it, and she was really happy for the ice cream bar. I had offered to make chicken rice soup because she was sick, and she said she certainly wouldn't turn it down, so I [...] got the stuff for it. I got to her place just as she arrived. And I started cooking. And finished. It was quite yummy. Yay! [...] I really appreciate that girl. [...] She asked me what she was going to do when I left for Oregon. I said that by that point we would have it figured out one way or the other. Closest we've gotten to talking about marriage. I'm thinking I'll fast and pray about it shortly after I get back from Tunisia [he would be going there for a math conference in about a week or so]. Bwaaaaaaa!"Two days later...
"Bwaaaaa! I love that girl! [...] We went and hiked up the Y. Conversation was a bit sparse on the way up, but that was because she was too busy breathing. We stopped at every swtichback to let her rest. At the top and on the way down we had a really good conversation. One thing I asked her is what she would say if I proposed. Context: this is the same day [as in same number of days after first date] and activity my dad used [to propose to my mom]; so it was a funny, not serious, question. She told me what I expected which was essentially "Woah!! Slow down, boy!" ... Anyway, we also talked about how she wanted to serve a mission, but God told her not to. And mentioned how if she had been planning to go, she would have told me, "You're nice, but I'm going..." I drew an inference she might only have glanced at... Anyway, we went down, got all pretty, ate pie Tim had made, then went to Cliff and Ari's reception. It was really good... Because Jenna was there. Yay! We talked about helium and nitrogen and other fun stuff. After, we went to her place and talked and cuddled. Yay for her! I'm so gone. After I went home, I told my roomies the only thing holding me back is that if I proposed right now, she would say no due to speed. If things go as they are, I will propose most likely a week or two after I return from Tunisia. Bwaaaaaaa!"Next day. We'd been talking, when there was a lull in conversation. I looked over at James' face to see a dreamy, far-gone look in his eyes. After some experiences with a few other guys at BYU, I had come to recognize this look as the look that means a man wants to marry me. So I asked him what he was thinking. (I'm so mean.)
"At one point she asked me what I was thinking at an awkward point, but after many heart palpitations I told her, "I'm sad I have to wait so long to propose." She freaked out a little, but inside, where I couldn't see it. We talked about it a little. We'll see what happens. Here's for being open... Only sixteen days from our first date. Wow... Anyway, she left, but her car was gone... got towed... So we went to go pick it up. She said that was the most stressful part of the day, so I can't be doing that bad..."Next day.
"We went to her place and talked till midnight. About marriage, [...] parenting, trust, etc. It was a very deep, serious conversation. I really like her. She's such a good person. And she said I was too! [...] Yay! The only reasons she told me about maybe saying no was 1. It's been so short a time (OK, that'll decrease the longer she vacillates [sic]) 2. I'll be gone forever this fall/winter (OK, she knows it's not a good reason if it's right) 3. I move too much when we snuggle (Uh oh! This is dangerous!) I'm thinking I'll be ok for right now..."Next day. He's starting worrying. I'm starting to drift away.
"We talked, and she mentioned again that I like her more than she likes me. What I need to be is patient. Even if this is the right thing, I shouldn't expect her to decide so quickly, even if I want her to. I will pray for that."Next day.
"We snuggled for a long time, but then we read a conference talk together, which was really good. I hope to study with her almost everyday now. Today's marriage talk was about how she's not sure how much she likes me, because I'm like pears and pineapples to Robby, the last guy she thought about marrying. Oh, my poor worrying heart!"He's such a drama king. Two days later.
"Jenna and I went to Nicolatalia's for pizza. Meat lovers. So good, soooo greasy. Then we watched Spirited Away. She told me she was leaning towards "No" just before I left, and it has been freaking me out for the last day. I really like her, and I think I would like to marry her. I've prayed about it, and when I do I get a warm feeling, but the last few times my head has been fuzzy. I'm going to fast about it when I get back. I really, really like her."Two days later. I broke up with James. I'd been praying about it and was getting a "Well, if you want to, go for it." And at that point, I didn't want to, so my answer to James was "No." Apparently I did not clearly explain this to James, because he thought I said that God said no. Ooops.
"We watched YouTube videos for a while, then it came up. She feels she got a "no" from God. At first I just thought she wasn't sure and so maybe back off. Then she clarified. I was (am) so confused. I thought I had been getting a yes! It's painful on both sides. I prayed in her bathroom and I'm ok with it now... But if she felt justified in coming back, I would be happy for the chance to ask God again. Sigh. We still really like each other, maybe even love... but God has (99%) spoken. Sigh... Not the answer I wanted. I talked to Mom6 on my way to work, then worked... And was depressed. I curled up on the floor at one point."So after James left my apartment that night, I went into my bathroom to grab some tissues to dry my eyes with. Turns out that my bathroom window was open, and James was outside on the phone with his mom... so I could hear every word. I eavesdropped on the entire conversation until he biked off to work for the night. It made me even sadder, but I figured breaking up with him now was better than leading him on for a few months... right?
And then James flew to London. Excerpts from James' trip to London and Tunisia:
"I really miss Jenna. And what's worse is that even if I were home, I wouldn't get to be with her... She's been on my mind all the time. I wish she would reverse her decision, but only if God allowed it. I'm not quite stupid enough to disregard His advice, however much it may suck. A lot... Sigh..." "I went on an hour long walk/sit on the beach [in Tunisia in the middle of the night] to think about Jenna and such. Sigh... No real conclusions. [Essentially, he sat and cried on the Mediterranean beach.]"James came home to Provo. About a month later we went to the Malt Shoppe with the Social Dance Club. Now this was pretty awkward because it was really only the hard-core club members... and us two awkward love-birds. I think they probably thought it was the beginning of a relationship and not a post-break up one.
"I just got back from seeing Jenna for the first time since we broke up. I've talked to her via texting or G-chat since then, but this is the first face-to-face. And my reaction was still, I have to find someone that fits me better than her? Sigh. It was really nice to see her, but I'm a bit jealous of the fact that she's going on a date this weekend. Despite the fact I told her I was going on one too. I thought I was mostly over her, but this made it clear I am definitely not. She's so great and cool. But now untouchable. I wish I could spend so much time with her. But this is idle wishing. But, dang it, I want to fight for her, but I can't. The only way I could justify it is if God told me to. But that might be kind of hard. But I should ask. Sigh."Poor James. A week later.
"My mom sent me an email in response to mine about last Tuesday saying if I so feel inspired, I should go for Jenna in a particular way. Interesting... [...] I need to fast and pray about it."A few days later.
"I had a text conversation with Jenna and I invited myself over to color with her tomorrow. Sweet!"He likes me so much, he even notes every time I text him in his journal! Ay caramba! Next day.
"I went to Jenna's to color. It was way fun... then some other guys were gonna come over, and it was fun, just less so. Oh well."These others boys were my pseudo-brother Clifton and one of Clifton's mission companions. James was a little jealous of them; I could tell. After James left, the other two looked at me and burst into laughter. "What?" I demanded. "He likes you. A lot, a lot." Oh... I felt a little bad about that. I mean, I wanted to be friends, but was I leading him on? A few days later.
"It happened that Jenna texted me when I was free. She talked about bubbles she had. I tried to get her to invite me over, but I had to invite myself. She was happy for it, as she told me later. I was there for two hours... till midnight. What to say about it? It was great fun, she called me cute during a pillow fight, and I got incredibly sick to my stomach when she talked about another boy [...] that she would marry if he asked. She said that that is why she felt weird today, but during our G-chat conversation later she revealed that it was also because she missed me. Sigh... Argh! As I just told my roomie Bryan, I can't see myself having stronger feelings about anyone else. If this isn't the kind of love you get married for, what is??? The thought of her marrying someone else just makes me so sick to my stomach. Anyway, there's a lot more I could write about, but I won't."Next day, I was considering coming to James' dance class, since there were more men than women. Regarding this possibility, James wrote:
"Cool, but also... Well, to have her around me that often... Will I ever get her out of my head? My current plan is to fast and pray during the ward temple trip next Wednesday to ask God in the temple for the first time. With [a previous girlfriend James was considering marrying], I felt conflicted till I did the same. All day I've been pondering whether or not I am sure that marrying her would be OK, so I can bring God a decision. I still can't think what would be bad, but I'm trying. I know not perfect things about her (her health, for example), but I'm not worried about those at all. Oh... What to do, what to do... Bleh. The thing I most worry about is how she had said before I like her more than she likes me. Why? What am I that she doesn't like? I may or may not be willing/able to change it, but it'd be nice to know. Maybe she just doesn't know. Also, should I rush it? Probably not. Maybe I should just build up a really strong friendship for a month first. Seems like a good idea. Good no matter how God answers."I went to James' dance class once. And it felt so good to be in his arms, waltzing... Too good. So I stopped coming. Next day.
"To Jenna's. We watched Ponyo, then talked. Eventually the whole breaking up/marriage thing came up. I brought up how Rebekah felt [Jenna] hadn't made a decision then prayed, Jenna replied that she had. (Ouch.) But apparently since that day her vague "no" answer was clarified to that it would have been fine if she had wanted to. So we talked about it, and we'll be each other's back ups. I.e. We'll see where we are in a year, and see again. It was about as good as I could expect, and I finally feel peace with everything. This seems right to me in the way a straight "no" didn't. All our assorted feelings/answers/inspirations fit right now. [...] She mentioned she had nowhere to go when she graduated (unless she was married) and Oregon sounded better than her home in Arizona. Interesting..."I am feeling a bit conflicted. I want to be friends, but really, I'm just starting to like him more... Over a week later, James writes:
"Was talking to Jenna about how today is Cow Appreciation Day. I had to invite myself, but we dressed up as cows and then she drove [us] up to Chick-Fil-A to get a free meal. Yum! We then went shopping, and I bought her stuff because she's broke. I napped on her couch till work time."
I wonder what it was he bought me. I forgot. Anyway, while we were eating our Chick-Fil-A, two of my acquaintances showed up for the free food as well. One of them called James my boyfriend. I corrected him. ... It got really awkward after that, and my acquaintances basically ran off to escape the awkwardness. Two days later.
"Went to Jenna's for lemonade ice cream. It was pretty good! We went shopping, talked about her possible abandonment of med school for marriage/kids. Tough choice, though she knows what she wants right now. I helped get ready for dinner group, stayed for a piece of it, then came home and went to the Bishop's for FHE. [...] It's kind of sad on my part, but despite Jenna having told me she's wanted to marry others more than me (it came up, it wasn't to get me to back off), I still want to hang out a lot and talk while I'm in Oregon and so on the off chance she'll change her mind in the future. I like her a lot, but I don't know how wise this is, because if she started dating someone, or, worse, decided to marry someone, I would be devastated. Horribly so, I think. Though I would be happy that she's happy. Should I try to get over her? Because I just don't care about getting to know other people well because I'm thinking of her in comparison. It's not fair because I don't know them well, but still... Maybe this is the question I need to ask in the temple. Should I start trying to get over her? I think I could if I needed to. If I had to."A few days later.
"Went to Jenna's to watch Wall-E with some others. Good fun. With some flirtatious tom-foolery. Sigh... Which was not really flirtatious because it was Jenna doing it. I just wanted to hold her. Probably not healthy. What are the chances she'll make it till next April single? Not that good in my mind... Sigh..."I was feeling conflicted, because I still liked James... as well as a few other boys, whom I liked just as much. A few days later.
"Texted Jenna to invite her to play with bubble wrap with me tomorrow right after 5. She said yes... And right after I remembered I'm supposed to practice dance... Sigh... So I had to text her back to change it to Thursday. Sooooo embarrassing."Two days later. He'd gotten me a birthday present, but then I broke up with him, so it didn't get delivered. He finally decided to give it to me about two months late. I loved it. I loved it a lot. I remember thinking, "Wow. No one else has ever gotten me a gift that shows they know me so well!"
"Got Jenna's old birthday present, then went to her place. She liked the iced Animal Crackers, absolutely adores the plushie gryphon, and we had great fun popping the bubble wrap. We sang some hymns, talked, etc. She was more touchy today, but I'm (unfortunately) sure it means nothing. But it is hard on me, though I enjoy it. Sigh..."A few days later.
"To Jenna's for a movie. After I left her place, I sent her a text asking if she wanted to go for a walk. She wasn't tired, so we did. Oh yeah, important background. I did pull her in during the movie, but she totally let me. So I got to hold her. Anyway. We talked from 12:30am to 5am... Wow. And since it was so late, we were quite candid with each other. We talked about our feelings, [other boys Jenna liked and was considering pursuing], and the possibility of a future marriage. She is, as expected going to go for [the others] first. But, if she happens to not choose them, or them her, she will likely move to Oregon to marry me. [...] It's weird to me, and more so to her, but I'm willing to play second fiddle if I have to to get her. Even more so now (the next night) it makes me feel weird and nervous just thinking about it, but I think it is perfectly all right for me to do. She's just such an amazing awesome girl. I'm keeping my eyes open, of course, but the likelihood I find someone better in the next year is quite small. We also talked about "cookies", things that aren't bad, but are probably bad for you, like us snuggling tonight... It's sad, but true. But now we have a new inside joke! Yay! Our goodbye hug was certainly a cookie. Long and not completely platonic. I love that girl."After this conversation, I finally realized I needed to make a decision. I was so, so, sooo conflicted. I even got a blessing from my pseudo-brother to help me calm down and decide. A day or two later while I was at work, I started to think about it in a different light. I graphed the intensity of how much I liked a boy over time, and I saw then that the line which represented how much I liked James had the highest slope. I extrapolated and decided that meant I'd be happiest if I married him instead of one of the others.
It was so refreshing to have made a decision! I was so happy. Now all I had to do was get James out on a date, and somehow say, "Oy, let's get married, mmk?"
"Jenna texted me, so I asked if she wanted to get dinner, so off we went to get pizza. It was pretty good. Nice conversation. We came back to her place, and eventually she brought up.... Well, she asked, "What would we do if we got married?" So... I talked about holidays, wedding next summer, etc. After a break, she leaned against me in a non-platonic manner. We just sat, then I expressed my undying devotion, via saying she's the best girl I ever met. She then put down her plan. She's going to the temple on Saturday, and unless she gets a firm no, we're gonna get married!!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soooooooooo awesome (and unexpected)! At best I had dreamed she would move up next year. But this? Amazing!! We talked some more, then went to social dance. We came back and she called her parents. Craziness. She then called her friend Lisa, who doesn't so much like me, so I went, so Lisa could be open. I then shared the news with my roomies and Rebekah. BWAAAA!"Two days later.
"I borrowed Bryan's car and went to Walmart to pick up the fake engagement ring. It took me an hour almost to get out of there, just because I was freaking out that I was actually doing it. Bwaaaa! [...] I prayed about marrying Jenna. I feel really good about it. I was grinning my face off for the next half hour. Jenna was off doing something, so I played New Super Mario Bros on Tommy's new Wii."Next day. I went to the temple to confirm my decision with God. I prayed about it, and said, "Look. If You don't tell me it's a horrible idea, I'm going to marry this guy." I got a warm, fuzzy feeling. Well, that's it then. Let's make this thing official!
"Jenna came to work and we were excited together. The rest of work was hard. I eventually came home and planned on sleeping till noon, but got up by 10:30am. I just couldn't sleep. Worse than Christmas. Fifteen minutes before Jenna was supposed to call me, I biked to the flower store. She called and said it was all good!! So... I bought a dozen roses and another bouquet and biked over. It took long enough to get the flowers that she was freaking out, waiting by the door. I kneeled with the ring and flowers and asked, "Jenna, will you marry me?" "Yes!" Bweeee! So... we hugged and kissed and so on for a while, then called people. Lots of people. Also some nappage went on. We then went out for our celebratory dinner to... KFC! Yay! After, we watched Time Bandits (so weird...) we then went to swing. Becca freaked out, as expected. Yay!"
We eventually got my real ring.. here it is! It's a lab-created sapphire.
James went off to Oregon in September to start his Ph.D. program, and I stayed in Provo to finish my bachelor's degree of neuroscience. We talked on Skype every night. We finally got married in the Salt Lake temple on April 23, 2011. And that's the story!
Love and bubble wrap,
Jenna and James
_____
1 You know, this wasn't the first class we had together. We apparently both took a New Testament class from Dr. Huntsman in Fall 2008. I vaguely remember a loudmouth in that class named James. I think that was him... with decidedly less hair. I'm glad we didn't really notice each other though. Neither of us were ready for the other. ↩
2 We didn't do this on purpose, but it turns out our first date was exactly one year before our wedding. ↩
3 If James hadn't borrowed that car, I would probably be dead. If fact, both of us might be dead. The next time James drove his little scooter after our date, the rear wheel seized up. James was able to keep his balance and skid to a stop, so he lived... but if I had also been on the bike, we probably would have ended up smeared across the pavement as a lovely James and Jenna casserole. And then we wouldn't have gotten married. (Seriously, if he had asked me when we got to the next life, I would have been like, "Are you kidding me? It's your fault I'm dead! Go find some other lady to spend eternity with!") ↩
4 Robby is my ex-boyfriend turned good friend. We dated for two months and really liked each other, and then prayed about getting married... and sadly, it just didn't feel right, so we broke up. Robby found his future wife in a matter of weeks, and I was a tad depressed about not having found anyone yet... So, I cried a bit. And then I prayed to find my husband. Later that day, I danced with James for my final and he asked me on a date. Prayers answered? At the time, I didn't realize that this is how things happened, but that's what my journal says occurred. This the great thing about journals... you can see extra well how your prayers are answered! Cultural note: Among LDS single adults, it's pretty common to pray about getting married before actually getting engaged. And sometimes your answer is no. I figured that might seem odd to some of my non-LDS friends. ↩
5 So one of the reasons James had decided to go to school at BYU was to find a wife. Well, he had only a few more months left in Provo before moving to Eugene, Oregon to start his Ph.D. program in mathematics. He was understandably starting to get nervous about the whole thing. He started a fast to find a wife (the right wife) the night before we started dating. Coincidence? Possibly. ↩
6 James never calls his parents. And this was 1 am Mom's time. ↩
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