Now, I remember the Baby Alpha pregnancy (a.k.a Amelia). You may not, though, so here is the recap:
At first, the only reason I knew I was pregnant was because I'd had a nice positive pregnancy test on Christmas Day 2011, smack dab on the 4-week mark. I had some annoying, but not major nausea at 5 weeks. And THEN I got quite sick at 7 weeks. It got progressively worse and I started getting sick enough at 12 weeks that I had to run out of patient appointments to vomit... and sometimes I didn't make it. And so then I'd have to clean up a vomitous mess. At this point I was expecting the nausea to go away any time now, because that's when most pregnancy nausea starts to go away. At 14 weeks, Elder Holland came for stake conference and I vomited throughout his talk. It sounded like a nice talk, but I'll admit I was not feeling particularly spiritually receptive at the time. At 15 weeks, I had so much difficulty even keeping down water that I needed IV hydration so that I didn't die. At 16 weeks, the nausea let up. A little. I wasn't dying anymore. 19 weeks: sick some more. Only now I have small amounts of Zofran, so sometimes I'm okay. 20 weeks: I ran out of Zofran and insurance wouldn't pay for more, so I'm dying again. Also, I found out that Amelia was female. 23 weeks: still sick. 25 weeks: I vomit on airplanes. 27 weeks: soooper sick. 28 weeks: not sick, except when in un-air-conditioned rooms. 30 weeks: I start acupuncture for nausea. It helps a little, but I am still sick. 34 weeks: less sick, but still sick. 37 weeks: still sick.
38 weeks: Amelia shows up, and my nausea finally goes away the instant that placenta comes out. Yuck.
I'm about 4.5 weeks right now with Baby Delta. The main difference I've noticed is how much earlier I've noticed pregnancy symptoms than I think any pregnancy symptoms have a right to be noticed... and how much more intense they are than I think they should be (for how early it is).
I started feeling pregnant at around 3.5 weeks... that's less than two weeks after ovulation. At that early point, pregnancy symptoms should be outlawed. I took a pregnancy test, and I was shocked at how dark it was. Baby Delta is pumping out plenty of HCG, that's for sure.
And, seriously, at 3.5 weeks I should not be able to complain about being sick. Or heartburn, or bloating, or food aversions, or breast tenderness (or that matter, breasts that are suddenly making more milk and already look bigger than they did a week before... what the...?! what is my body up to?!), or frequent urination, or mood swings, or evil headaches, or terrible fatigue, or acne (I haven't had a problem for months until now). I didn't feel like this until weeks later with Amelia.
On the plus side, the one thing I am most paranoid about--nausea--is not so bad. So far. I am forced to call it rather pleasant nausea compared to what I remember dealing with. In the mornings, I usually wake up a few hours before I actually want to because I am feeling so yucky. But I can eat, even if things sound nasty. And I can keep down as much water as I like (glory, hallelujah!). And I haven't actually vomited yet. The worst I've had is a small mouthful of throw up when bending down to pick up Destructobot's latest destruction masterpiece. And the majority of the day, I don't feel sick at all.
Now we get to the part where I explain why I've titled this post "Feeling Silly". I've been so excited to get pregnant, and the second thing I think upon discovered the positive pregnancy test was... "Oh no... What if it's twins?" (The first thought was "Oh, look. It's quite positive.")
I secretly pride myself on being able to logically comb out my thoughts and not take irrational ideas seriously. For some reason, this particular irrational idea won't leave me alone. I can't dismiss it like I usually do. Therefore, not only do I feel majorly freaked out, but I also feel majorly silly for being so freaked out.
I didn't have this problem when I discovered I was pregnant with Amelia, or the two pregnancies I miscarried, so why am I so freaked out now? Despite rumors to the contrary, I am not psychic. And well, I suppose some people who get pregnant with twins do get a early, dark line on their pregnancy test, and I suppose some of them also start feeling pregnancy symptoms earlier and more intensely... but seriously, plenty of women pregnant with singletons have these same things happen to them. So really, I have absolutely ZERO evidence to indicate that Baby Delta is actually Baby Delta AND Baby Epsilon.
But has that stopped me from worrying about it?
No, of course not.
It didn't help that one the first things James said when he found out I was pregnant was... "Twins?"
I responded, "SHUT UP."
He said, "Don't you have twins on your side of the family?"
"Yes. SHUT UP." I do. I have two aunts (both of which I am actually related to) who have twins, and as far as I know, at least one pair was indeed spontaneous (i.e. no fertility treatments involved). James doesn't have twins in his family, but of course, that doesn't matter... genetically-speaking.
Actually, I suppose, in thinking about it, I had a funky feeling about twins many months ago. I read a book about them and confirmed that I never, ever wanted two babies at once. I also told myself that since I read the book, I had just guaranteed that I'd never have to use any of the information inside it. (Shhh. I'm still trying to tell myself that the universe works like this.)
Besides the fact that the idea of twins in and of itself is rather compelling, if I had to propose the real reason I have this funky feeling... it is this. I had a ridiculously difficult pregnancy with Amelia. The birth was a bit rough. Amelia screamed for her first six months of life. She turns out to be a destructobaby, so we are forced to babyproof far more than most parents I've observed.
There had to be some secret purpose for all this, right? Aha! Jenna's brain thinks the following: What could this possibly be preparing me for? I can't think of any healthy-baby scenarios that would be more difficult than what Amelia put me through. So... Oh no! I am being prepared for twins! Woe! Calamity! Disaster! And honestly, I can't think of a better preparation for it.
In a desperate attempt earlier this week to assure myself that Baby Epsilon is years away, I turned to prayer. It wasn't all that helpful. I imagined God facepalming up there, then putting on a mischievous grin and saying, Twins wouldn't be all that bad, Jenna. Now triplets... that'd be bad for you. And I shuddered in my mind just thinking about triplets.
I felt better after that. Mostly I kept saying to myself. "Not twins. Not twins. Not twins. Not twins. And if it is, that's okay. They're not triplets. Not twins. Not twins. NOT TWINS. NOT TWINS!"
Love and a singleton (NOT TWINS.),
Jenna and Baby Delta (NOT Baby Epsilon)
P.S. Ugh, and today Amelia has been a beast. She woke up in the morning and then screamed into my ear for two hours straight. She jammed the printer with a ripped-out board-book page. She pulled all our apples off the table, took one small bite out of each, and bruised the living daylights out of them. She climbed up the sofa and pulled all the CDs and DVDs off the shelves. She decided to pull out all the contents of a brand new floss container. She screams constantly about being hungry, and when I do get her something to eat, she smears it into her hair instead of eating it. She keeps climbing on top of a table that I keep pulling her off of and she screams bloody murder each time I do. She keeps purposely ramming her head into the wall (hard), and then saying "ow" and bursting into dramatic tears. And the house is filthy. It was clean last night. Yes, I have burst into tears.
P.P.S. I feel even more silly now that I've written down the silly thoughts in my head. I hope you enjoy how ridiculous they are.
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