I've been writing my blog posts late at night, and thus the quality has gone down. It's been harder to think of things to say besides "Today was good. Today was bad. Today was boring. Today was long. Today was short. Etc." So maybe I should try to write more of these during the day when I'm actually awake.
Last night we had FHE based on President Uchtdorf's talk from the RS broadcast which I mentioned a little over a week ago based on forget-me-not flowers. I've been thinking a lot about this talk and I decided to share it with James... because, like most of our husbands, he was not present of the RS broadcast.
I've been wondering--do I REALLY know that God loves me. I think I've got a pretty solid testimony, but I keep getting reminders. Every time I get a priesthood blessing, the open lines say something along the lines of, "God loves you and is aware of you." And I think, heck, I know that. Why does God keep telling me this?
I can think of two reasons--the first is for the same reason I tell James fifty times a day that I love him. Of course James knows this, but I tell him anyway, just to make sure he doesn't forget. The second reason that I can think of is that I don't actually know this (even though I think I do) and He keeps telling me because He's trying to make me "get it".
For now, my conclusion is both. At some level, I do know He loves me, but I think I don't quite understand to the full extent. I think President Uchtdorf is trying super hard to explain it here:
"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.
Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!
He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom. The Psalmist wrote:
'When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
'What is man, that thou art mindful of him? …
'For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.'
God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.
The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."
I know all these things intellectually, but REALLY? No. I don't know if I do. Sometimes when I ask for help, I get the response, "Jenna, I love you," as if this is the answer to all my problems. I'm beginning to wonder if it is.
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